Be Wise and Use a Time-Out

One of the most common mistakes that people make during relational conflicts is refusing to use time-out procedures.  People often stay in a distressing situation much too long.  For example, two people disagree and begin to argue.  They verbalize uncomfortable and upsetting words while anger escalates in both individuals.  Each person feels compelled to express personal viewpoints in an attempt to be heard and understood.  Both are convinced that his or her perceptions are accurate.  Their sense of powerlessness increases and anger escalates.  If one of them does not

pencil erasing 'guilt'

Roots of Anger: Guilt

Beneath overt anger is emotional pain and distress. Similar to the roots of a tree that feed the vital branches above ground, so there are four types of deeper emotions that stimulate angry actions. In the previous blogs, I discussed the first three roots including hurt, helplessness, and anxiety about losing something important. The fourth […]

Roots of Anger: Anxiety About Losing Something Important

A man owned a sports car, which he kept meticulously clean.  It was parked in his stone driveway.  Neighborhood youth often played soccer and rode bikes nearby and sometimes small stones would fly in the direction of his prized vehicle.  This was a constant source of irritation to him.  Several times he would charge out […]

Roots of Anger: Feeling Helpless or Inadequate

You are trying to do what appears to be a simple task – for example fastening two metal objects together with a nut and screw. However, each time you think they are aligned and you attempt to tighten them, the screw or nut moves or falls. After several frustrating efforts, you yell and pound your […]

Roots of Anger: Feeling Wounded by Others

Beneath our overt angry expressions are deeper roots of emotional pain which feed the hostility. In the last blog, I identified four roots, including: hurt, helplessness, anxiety about losing something important, and guilt. In this blog, we will explore anger that is triggered by relational wounds. Psychological researchers have demonstrated that emotional hurt is a […]

The Roots of Anger

You might know that anger is a biochemical response to a perceived threat. When you are faced with a potentially threatening situation, your brain and autonomic nervous system immediately require an increase in adrenalin.  This produces a cardiovascular surge preparing you for a “fight or flight” response. You can feel various sensations in your body […]