One of the most challenging developmental tasks of Young Adults is the selection of a lifelong partner in marriage. How can parents assist them in negotiating that decision? If I could ask one question to your adult children, it would be the following: “To what extent do you desire the relationship with your intimate partner to be similar to
Author Archives: Dr. David R. Leaman
Encouraging Young Adults, Part II
In trying to help our adult sons and daughters, we may inadvertently discourage them. This is particularly true when we hold them to an ideal, a notion of how they ought to be. Perhaps unconsciously, we expect children to fulfill our aspirations and make us happy. Parents unwittingly try to press children into a prescriptive mold and are disappointed when teenagers select divergent paths. We must be cautious and vigilant of our motives when conversing with adult sons and daughters.
Encouraging Young Adults
As parents of young adults, our parental roles change when children mature. The primary responsibility of teaching children how to love and make responsible choices remains. However, the methods we use must be different. We no longer establish and enforce the rules, nor discipline our adult children. We don’t prescribe directions or make their decisions. […]
Coping with Stress as Modeled by Jesus (part 3)
When distressed, we naturally react in one of two divergent ways. We tend to deny our feelings, minimize or suppress affect, not allowing others to know the inner turmoil. We say, “I’m fine,” but inwardly struggle, feeling confused and frustrated. The other reaction is to vent or explode in anger. We may lash out at someone or something, angrily yelling and blaming others. We are likely to
Coping with Stress as Modeled by Jesus (Part 2)
Last month, I wrote briefly about the intense levels of stress that Jesus endured on earth. Our focus is to recognize and apply the coping strategies that Jesus utilized. Thus, we are observing His lifestyle and hoping to imitate His actions. I believe that what Jesus has modeled for us provides more potent and effective stress reducing methods than modern psychology describes. The first two strategies discussed in the last blog included
Coping With Stress as Modeled by Jesus
Parenting can be stressful. Life is stressful. Certainly there are moments of pleasure and peaceful relaxation, but the daily challenges of life can be significantly distressing. When adversity comes, our degree of happiness is determined by the attitudes we embrace. Let us ponder how Jesus modeled life, so that we can
An Unforgettable Evening
We were blessed to have some eagles living in a tree in our back yard, who had some babies. One day around 4:00 pm I told my wife, “One of the eaglets has flown from the nest!” Sure enough, when we studied the nest a bit more with binoculars, it seemed as though there was only one eaglet left. Also inside the nest was the mother! She and the Dad had previously and conspicuously been missing from the nest in the recent last month, except to bring prey twice a day for the “kids”.
In 1970, a beautiful movie, called “Love Story”, starring Ryan O’Neil and Ali McGraw, was released. A most memorable line in the film was the phrase, “love means you never have to say I’m sorry.” It became a popular mantra among idealistic young lovers. In my view the phrase is greatly misleading. I have been […]
The Power of Forgiveness
If you are breathing, you have been hurt or offended. Someone has wronged you in some capacity because we live with flawed people in an imperfect world. Yet we are instructed in wisdom literature to “… refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.” (Psalm 37:8, NIV) Forgiving is a process. It is not a single simple step. To forgive involves conscious, calculated choices to change your feelings, thoughts and actions toward the offender. Learn 4 steps in the process to forgiving.
Be Wise and Use a Time-Out
One of the most common mistakes that people make during relational conflicts is refusing to use time-out procedures. People often stay in a distressing situation much too long. For example, two people disagree and begin to argue. They verbalize uncomfortable and upsetting words while anger escalates in both individuals. Each person feels compelled to express personal viewpoints in an attempt to be heard and understood. Both are convinced that his or her perceptions are accurate. Their sense of powerlessness increases and anger escalates. If one of them does not