Beneath overt anger is emotional pain and distress. Similar to the roots of a tree that feed the vital branches above ground, so there are four types of deeper emotions that stimulate angry actions. In the previous blogs, I discussed the first three roots including hurt, helplessness, and anxiety about losing something important. The fourth […]
A man owned a sports car, which he kept meticulously clean. It was parked in his stone driveway. Neighborhood youth often played soccer and rode bikes nearby and sometimes small stones would fly in the direction of his prized vehicle. This was a constant source of irritation to him. Several times he would charge out […]
You are trying to do what appears to be a simple task – for example fastening two metal objects together with a nut and screw. However, each time you think they are aligned and you attempt to tighten them, the screw or nut moves or falls. After several frustrating efforts, you yell and pound your […]
Beneath our overt angry expressions are deeper roots of emotional pain which feed the hostility. In the last blog, I identified four roots, including: hurt, helplessness, anxiety about losing something important, and guilt. In this blog, we will explore anger that is triggered by relational wounds. Psychological researchers have demonstrated that emotional hurt is a […]
You might know that anger is a biochemical response to a perceived threat. When you are faced with a potentially threatening situation, your brain and autonomic nervous system immediately require an increase in adrenalin. This produces a cardiovascular surge preparing you for a “fight or flight” response. You can feel various sensations in your body […]
In previous blogs, we have discussed adjusting parental attitudes and applying appropriate approaches when relating to inflexible-explosive children. Remember to stay calm. Note that the initial goal is to help the child regulate emotions to prevent a meltdown. Be aware of antecedent events and pay attention to the situational factors that trigger “vapor lock”. Make […]
In the last blog, we ended with two important guidelines for adults relating to inflexible-explosive children. The adult needs to maintain a calm voice while repeating instructions and be willing to negotiate with the child. Failure to do these two actions will most likely cause mutual escalation resulting in painful meltdowns. When an adult makes […]
Parenting an inflexible-explosive child can be very frustrating and exhausting. Consider the following example. The family consists of three elementary age children with both parents. The children are doing their own thing in play when Mother calls them for supper. Two of the children leave their activities and go to wash hands; one does it […]
Parents have the responsibility and privilege of teaching children how to make wise choices and express feelings constructively. For compliant children, this process may be relatively easy and rewarding. However, for the inflexible and oppositional child, it is very challenging and often frustrating. Unfortunately, these children get labeled as “bad,” and parents may feel like […]