Raising Daughters

There are no passages that I know of, which specifically tells parents how to raise their daughters.  There are many passages which give guidance on how to raise sons, but not daughters.  So how do parents learn the best way to raise their daughters Biblically?

Though not directly, the Bible does in fact give us guidance on how to raise daughters, in a way that would please God.  It is just more subtle, and isn’t as clearly stated as the advice on how to raise sons.

Full disclaimer.  I don’t have a daughter… only a son…  However, I have been in student ministry for 25+ years and have been close to thousands of families; many of which were great examples of how to raise daughters to love the Lord.

I believe the Bible gives us clear direction for mothers and for fathers.

MOTHER’S

Most mothers have a deeper connection to their daughters, than what the fathers have.  This makes sense because mothers can relate to what is going on in their daughter’s lives, at each stage of growth, because they have been there before.

Daughters will watch their mothers, and will use their lives as an example of what a Godly woman is supposed to look like.  Mothers should constantly be aware that their daughters are watching, and will follow their example; sometimes unconsciously.

Read with your daughter the following scripture, which tells them how they can one day become a wife of noble character.  The as a mother, try to live it out so that your daughter can see your example.  Also admit it if you are struggling in a certain area, and ask your daughter to help you be accountable to become the woman and mother God wants you to be.

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?  She is more precious than rubies.  Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.  She finds wool and flax and busily spins it.  She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar.  She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.  She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.  She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.  She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.  Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.  She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.  She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes.  She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.  Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders.  She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.  She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.  When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.  She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.  Her children stand and bless her.  Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”  Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.  Reward her for all she has done.  Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. Proverbs 31:10-31 NLT

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands.  Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words.  They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.  Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.  You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.  This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful.  They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands.  For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him master.  You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do. 1 Peter 3:1-6 NLT

FATHER’S

I believe that the passages which instruct husbands on how to treat their wives, apply to how we are to raise daughters.  This is because the vast majority of daughters grow up and get married, and therefore become wives.

Daughters will look at the example of their father on how they treat their wife.  They learn what a “real man”, a “man of God” looks like.

Later when young men come calling on your daughter, she will put up an invisible template of what her father looks like, and use it to determine what her boyfriend and future husband should look like.  She will do this, whether she realizes it or not.  If she has seen a great example of a Godly man in her dad, she will want a husband that is similar.

I think it is harder for fathers to relate to daughters, than it is for a mother.  So periodically ask her, “How I can be a better dad?”  She may give you great feedback which you can discuss and act on.  Even if there is no feedback, she will know you care enough about how you are doing as her father, and that you value her input.

Read the below and ponder how you can be the best Godly husband and example for your daughter.  You can read it with your daughter, so she will know what kind of man you are trying to be, and what kind of man she should look for in a future mate.

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives.  Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.  She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.  Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 NLT

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.  He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.  He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish.  Instead, she will be holy and without fault.  In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies.  For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.  No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.  And we are members of his body.  As the Scriptures say. “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”  This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.  So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:25-33 NLT

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Ken Leaman

Ken Leaman

Ken Leaman has a passion for students, and for over 25 years has been volunteering within churches, leading and mentoring students.  These churches are:

Ken is a Director of Enterprise Data Management at IHS Markit, which is a multi-Billion dollar information company. Ken has also served on the board of another non-profit called DFW HDI, which is a membership organization of IT support professionals.  

Ken, and his wife Karen, have been married for 26 years, and have a 25 year old son.  They live in McKinney, TX, just North of Dallas.

As Ken and Karen repeatedly witnessed many Christian students who were active within the Church walk away from their faith shortly after graduating high school, they grew frustrated.  Studies show that about 70% of young adults leave their faith after graduation, which is a huge issue since they are the future of the Church.  After much prayer and searching God's direction for many years, the Leaman's felt His calling to start a ministry to address this problem.  In 2014, they gathered like minded Christian professionals to help begin Young Adults of Worth Ministries.  We believe that this ministry is from God, and it will be blessed by Him for His glory alone.